I have been exploring shibari for 5 years now and I am very far from being an expert in the field. If anything I will call myself a mid level practitioner. That being said, I often get questions on the basics and ideas behind it. This short non-expert guide will help you get an idea why so many people are into that, and how you could enjoy it as well.Shibari (to tie), or kinbaku (tight binding), is a Japanese form of bondage that has its roots in the feudal Edo era. It is based on a Japanese martial art - Hojojutsu, although at its form now kinbaku is very far from its predecessor.
HOJOJUTSU IS A SYSTEMATIZED TECHNIQUE FOR RESTRAINING CRIMINALS USING ROPE, BORN OUT OF A PARTICULAR JAPANESE SENSITIVITY WHICH SEEKS FOR BEAUTY IN MOVEMENT — WHICH YOU ALSO SEE IN JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY, FLOWER ARRANGEMENT AND MARTIAL ARTS — AS WELL AS OUT OF THE ENVIRONMENT OF FIXED SOCIAL STATUS IN THE EDO PERIOD.
In the early 20th century, rope and tying started appearing inkabukitheater, but the Hojojutsu technique was recreated in a less torturous, safer for movement and more aesthetic way. Performances were highly stylized, showing something similar to what we recognize today as kinbaku.After World War II, it made its way to the USA, and it started appearing in fetish magazines such as Bizzare. This was not a one-way communication, but more of an exchange between the two sides of the Pacific and it influenced (and still does) the way kinbaku is practiced in Japan as well.
Although it started as a way of torture, in its transformation kinbaku now takes many different forms, depending on what you and your partner are trying to achieve. It is, in general, an intimate, emotional, and intense experience for the people involved and often those watching. It can be executed purely for its visual aesthetic, for the sensation of being restricted, for sexual and/or sensual pleasure, for the suffering one can endure while in ropes. All those are born out of the communication and intimacy the people involved in a session can create and enjoy. Partners often reach sub or top space, experiencing endorphin, enkephalin and dopamine highs, and getting into a meditative state of mind, which can be very therapeutic and sometimes transformative.I have been doing adult sex education in one form or another for the past 4 years. It started when I moved from New York to Berlin, got sober, and discovered BDSM. Berlin - a city well known for its sex positivity and freedom of sexual expression provided me with the opportunity to explore my own sexuality. I discovered and enjoyed different forms and types of relationships, kinky and not-so-kinky practices, different perspectives and ideas around sexuality.
For me, kinbaku is an incredibly intimate and liberating experience. It could be sexual. It could be playful. It could be just erotic and not sexual. But I am more and more enjoying it for the cycle of suffering, endurance, and surrender, typical for semenawa. Going over the hump and taking more than you ever expected can send you to the corners of your body and mind you never been before. It helps me to get to know myself, and my vulnerability, makes me more human. Unlocking this cycle is only possible if I trust the person tying me (rigger) completely. Because of this trust, I think kinbaku can be more intimate than sex.What is more intimate than giving away the control of your wellbeing to somebody else? And suffering, enduring, and surrendering within this complex bubble of vulnerability and trust. There is power in this act, in fully giving control away so you and your partner can build this specific dynamic and energy exchange.
THIS EXCHANGE IS THE JOURNEY YOU ARE EMBARKING ON - EVEN THOUGH IT SEEMS LIKE THE ROLES ARE VERY STRICT AND IN A SENSE THEY ARE - KINBAKU IS AN ACT OF TOGETHERNESS AND MUTUAL EXPRESSION AND EXPLORATION.
To enjoy and celebrate this togetherness as safe as possible, everyone involved should be aware of the risks they are taking, and be able to trust and communicate with their partner(s). Bondage can be extremely dangerous and should be practiced with precautions, which are important for both the person tying(rigger) and the one being tied(model).You don’t need to learn anatomy in detail, but you should know some basics, like where are the main nerve centers, how to recognize nerve damage, and how to distinguish it from a blood circulation issue. As with all BDSM - checking in with your partner, and their physical and psychological state before and after the session is advised. Talk to them, and get to know them, their bodies and reactions. Get to know your own body and the way you react to a certain pressure, pain, or position. Learn to recognize bad pain (pain that can be damaging) from good pain (pain you are aware of but know it is not damaging and it feels good).
Kinbaku, especially semenawa, can be painful. Semenawa literally means torture, and in doing semenawa you might find yourself outside of your comfort zone, outside of what you think you can take. Through this journey, it is the surrender that will give you relief, so learn how to deal with pain. How to breathe, and how to calm down. And when to signal your partner, if something doesn’t feel right.You can read a lot about all the elements of safety online. You can also learn a lot from video tutorials (paidorfree). Also, a great advice list for beginners in rope can be foundhere.
HOWEVER, YOUR BEST BET FOR LEARNING KINBAKU IS REAL-LIFE WORKSHOPS. THEY ARE NOT ONLY FUN AND PROVIDE YOU WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IN REAL TIME AND IN AN INTERACTIVE WAY, BUT THEY ARE ALSO SAFER, GIVEN YOU ARE TYING IN FRONT OF A TEACHER.
Do some research and checkout for classes in your town, reach out to your BDSM community and ask about schools and bondage jams. If you happen to be in Berlin - there are a lot of schools and teachers here, and you can see a pretty detailed listhere.In the upcoming months, I will be featuring shibari teachers and performers, based in Europe so you can experience the diverse and different approaches people have towards rope. This project is driven by my frustration that as in so many other walks of life, in kinbaku, there is this stereotype that men tie women, and most images we see out there are feeding the stereotype. However, in the 10 months, I have been exposed to kinbaku, as both a model and a rigger, this (as most stereotypes) turned out simply not to be the case. There are a lot of absolutely amazing women out there: tying, performing, and teaching the art of kinbaku. I would like to share their perspective with you.
