Is shibari always sexual? what is the difference between shibari and kinbaku
I’ve been practicing shibari for 5 years now, and while I wouldn’t call myself an expert, I’ve learned enough to share the basics and why this practice is so captivating for so many people.
Shibari, or kinbaku, is a Japanese form of rope bondage rooted in hojojutsu. It has transformed over time from a method of restraint into an intimate and creative practice of connection, trust, and expression.
The words shibari and kinbaku are often used interchangeably and they could mean the same thing. I have noticed some people use kinbaku when they are talking about a form of shibari that is more erotic and emotional, but I use both terms to express the same meaning.
While shibari can be erotic, it doesn’t have to be sexual. I very very rarely would bring sexual energy into a tying session, although it happens especially with partners with intense sexual attraction between us. Shibari, for me, is mainly intimate and erotic. It can also be playful, artistic, meditative, or deeply emotional. For some, it’s about the beauty of the shapes created with the rope; for others, it’s about the sensations, the dynamic of surrender and control, or the connection with a partner.
At its core, shibari is about togetherness, connection and intimacy — a shared journey where both partners contribute to the experience. Despite the seemingly strict roles of rigger (the one tying) and model (the one being tied), it’s a collaborative exploration of trust, vulnerability, and expression.
What you should know about safety:
- Learn basic anatomy to avoid nerve damage or circulation issues
- Communicate openly before, during, and after tying
- Understand the difference between good pain (challenging but safe) and bad pain (potentially harmful)
Shibari can involve physical and emotional intensity, especially in practices like semenawa (torturous tying), where surrender and endurance play a big role. These moments can push you beyond your comfort zone and create transformative experiences—but only if trust and communication are firmly in place.
The best way to learn shibari is through workshops. They’re interactive, safer, and give you real-time guidance from experienced teachers. Check out your local BDSM community for classes or bondage jams, or explore online resources to get started.
